It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
