So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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