rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
