Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life is so much better after having sex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
