I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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