Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
