apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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