We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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