taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
