Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
