i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
