Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
