I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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