Your tits are I can't wait for
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
