is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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