You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
