Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
