im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
