She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
