That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
