No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
