Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
