he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
