me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I still have a little drunk in my system
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
