If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
