hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize