matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
