people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
