4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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