thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize