Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize