party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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