i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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