So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
