He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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