Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
