The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
