Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
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