Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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