wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
