My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
