i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
