He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
