it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
