True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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