just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
