Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Alive.
So much puke
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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