we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
