Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
