Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this just has baby written all over it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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