Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My liver just had a heart attack.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
