There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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