When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
