Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
