My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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