haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
