Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
