why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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