If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
