shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize