i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize