Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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