So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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