if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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