Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
God, I missed his penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
