My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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