shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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