I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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