Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
