woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
