Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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