you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
