I want to make a zoo with you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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