Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
