If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
