Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
