What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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