you win again, gameday.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have fence marks all over my body
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
