But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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