My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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