What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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