Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
