Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
