He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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