It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize