I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
