I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
