He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
