I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
