well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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