The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
