I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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