I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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