I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
