He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
