The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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