Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
