My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
