4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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