He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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