I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
