Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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