i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They have beer where we have blood.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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